health.

i'm excited.
to stop feeling so guilty.
to praise God for the body he blessed me with.
to serve my husband more efficiently.
to build a stronger back and arms to carry my future babies with.
to take another step towards understanding true beauty and knowingi'mbeautiful. (it's hard for me to type, let alone say. which frustrates the guts outta joshy.)

i am really praising God for a break through i/we had today.

anyways, i am approaching all this from a logical perspective; using what i've been taught, what i've learned in school, and research i've found on my own. because i've been getting really overwhelmed/frustrated/wrapped up in hype lately and i need to re-train and organize my brain.

due to recent life craziness i've gained a few pounds. not that i obsess over numbers (we don't own a scale), or am totally freaking out about a couple pounds. however, there is such a thing as creeping obesity and quite frankly, it scares me a little bit. because if i just let things slide right now, and say "oh, i'll get into better shape, get healthier, take control, etc LATER"... let's be honest, i probably won't ever have a better time in life to build good habits and break the bad ones.

so, here i go.
embarking on a journey.
...well, i guess i'm sort of continuing the one i started.


goals:
due to multiple reasons, i will not be purchasing any protein supplements, muscle building enhancers, etc.

i will be however, focusing on health. being healthy because God has called me to be. not to be obsessive; but to take care of what He has created.

lose 5 pounds by may 17th. which gives me 35 days to accomplish that. which puts me at around a pound a week which is a healthy rate.

{I WILL BE ADDING MORE SPECIFIC GOALS, ESP. TONING, ETC, AS I COMPILE MY THOUGHTS, GOALS, AND WHAT WILL BE BEST FOR ME.}

the plan:
intake each day = 1500 calories (*continuing to eat every 2-4 hours, no sugars & hfcs, limit refined/packaged/processed foods)
outtake 5x/week = 250-500 calories


cardio: treadmill, outdoor runs, biking, ellyptical) = 30-90 minutes, depending on how intense the weight training will be that day.

weight training 4-5 times per week, fo shizzle. = 30-60 minutes. yay!



other notes:
at night, when i'm "hungry" (aka, thirsty and over-tired) i can drink coffee, tea, or water. veggies if i really must munch.

i am resolved to get over my fear of passing out due to low blood sugar. the few times it happened as a child kinda scarred me i guess, and honestly- i have no reason whatsoever to be afraid anymore. sooo work on that!

i plan on being as strict/pro active about my spiritual life as i plan to be with my physical well being. with His strength, it is possible.

remnants.

today i started crying and praying over them.
the orphans.
i could hear their voices, their native tongue breaking through the english.
those eyes.
those hearts.

the ones on the streets hair isnt black anymore. it's the color of cinnamon sticks. the sun is so fierce. their eyes glisten and the white parts are often yellow instead. their teeth are broken and discolored and they have that thick slobber on the corners of their mouths because they are so thirsty, so hungry.

who is there to take care of them? who hugs them and wraps their arms around them when they cry? who takes them to the well for a drink of water when they're burning up with fever? who combs their hair?

& then God reminds me, that he hugs them, holds them, puts his Hedge of protection around them.

but i still cry, i am now, and i pray, and plead for their safety. all of them and yet some more in particular, because i know the burden for them to be loved is one that God placed on me. so i will rejoice in knowing that he will continue to bring opportunities into my life to love those people.


my family.
my india.

growing up causes me to live one day at a time.

i honestly can't do it any other way.

i love how simple God makes things.

check yourself before you wreck yourself.

brothers and sisters: make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. but encourage each other every day so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. we have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end in the confidence we had at first. ---hebrews 3:12-14

oatmeal & tazo passion tea.

God woke me up this morning at 6:52. I'm sure he knew how much I'd enjoy a peaceful morning after this whirlwind-of-a-week. I am overwhelmed with his power and love and how he cares a significant measure, even about the little things. He was there with me yesterday, when my total should have been well over $25 at the CVS check out, but instead it was 14 dollars. Complete with 77 cent conditioner and new foundation for under $3. It may not seem like much to some people but it's huge to me.

God keeps asking me to lay all our stress, anxiety, doubts at his feet. Surrendering is difficult but freeing. I have to ask for strength to complete what I'm called to do, but He always answers. 

He's also been reminding me the importance of practicing what I preach. In the realm of being a wife, youth leader, personal trainer, etc. I have been convicted over a few things already and am seeking strength and perseverance as I strive for and pursue excellence. 

faith.

...three hours, three tables, six customers and sixteen dollars after arriving at work i started the drive home, mildly frustrated & knowing i have little to no control over how many tables i get each shift. i felt God tugging on my heart to pray, and to have complete faith in Him. so i did. i surrendered all. i told Him i know he has the power to provide for josh & i, even though his way might not make sense to me. 

i decided to stop by my family's house to pick up a couple things, one being "a small gift" that my mom said our neighbor, olga, had given her earlier today when she went to visit her. i run in the house, hug my dad; he goes straight to his bedroom and quickly emerges with an itty bitty gift bag (the gift from olga) and i peer inside. there was a $100 dollar bill inside! i am in awe. God provides in miraculous ways. 

now i just can't wait for joshy to get home and to see his eyes when i show him the crispy cash. praise the Lord for little old ladies like olga!

starve the flesh.

Father, I ask that you would show me ways I can constantly grow in my roles as wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, personal trainer, server, babysitter, youth leader, & just simply as your child: saved entirely by Your grace. I ask that you would help me to focus, and channel my life & energy into ways that bring you glory. 

I pray that everyday, You will become greater, and I will become less. 

Fuel my heart with creativity, not just with paint and yarn, but also my imagination... Let's brainstorm ideas on how to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, bring hope to those with none. Give tirelessly to anyone who lacks anything. Love without becoming exhausted, because this is all for You.

The thing that makes my heart beat is knowing that through your relentless love, you allow me to always be growing, giving, loving. With you it is possible. 

Let's be close, God. Ultra close.

After all, it is You who sustains my heart beat and fills my lungs with oxygen.

I 

truly

am

n.o.t.h.i.n.g

without my

miracle working,

life giving,

disease healing

Father in Heaven.

(YOU & YOU ALONE ARE WORTHY OF ALL OUR PRAISE)

rooted.

What God has joined together, let not a man separate.  Matthew 19:6